Toast without eye contact (Germany)
German toast without eye contact: seven years of bad sex according to folklore.
Meaning
Target direction : Say Prost, crossing eyes with each guest - a rule of respect and sincerity.
Interpreted meaning : Saying Prost without meeting eyes: according to tradition, invites 7 years of bad sex.
Geography of misunderstanding
Offensive
- germany
- austria
Not documented
- peuples-autochtones
1. The gesture and its expected meaning
Saying Prost (or Santé in German) as you raise your glass is a commonplace gesture in the West. But in Germany, tradition demands sincere eye contact with each guest - crossing eyes as you raise your glass signals "you're important, I drink to your health, I mean it". It's a code of honesty and mutual respect.
2. Where things go wrong: the geography of misunderstanding
Strong in Germany, Austria. Less strict in German-speaking Switzerland. Absent in France, Italy, Spain - where raising a glass without eye contact is commonplace and has no connotations.
The misunderstanding arises when a non-German, during a convivial meal in Germany, says Prost while raising his glass without seeking the eyes of the guests - a host interprets this as a lack of sincerity or respect.
3. Historical background
Historical root debated: German urban legend states that not meeting eyes during a Prost brings "seven years of bad sex". Historically unsourced, but widely circulated in popular German culture. The real origin is more likely medieval etiquette: crossing eyes proves you're not poisoning the glass (mutual trust). The practice persists as a sign of honesty.
4. famous documented incidents
No major incidents documented. Cases well known from German protocol manuals: importance of eye contact in formal toasts.
5. Practical recommendations
- To do: Always cross your eyes when you say Prost. A moment is enough. It's appreciated and shows sincerity.
- Never: Say Prost while looking away or down.
- Alternatives: If eye contact is difficult (shyness), a second's glance towards the face is enough (no need to insist).
- Vigilance: Important in formal German or Austrian contexts (business dinners, ceremonies).
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Documented incidents
- — BBC Eurocol 'German toasting etiquette eye contact'
- — Débat Berlin restauration jeunes eye-contact omission toasts
- — Guide diplomatique Allemagne toasting protocole
Practical recommendations
To do
- Toaster avec contact oculaire soutenu (3–5 secondes), regarder votre voisin dans les yeux pendant Anstoßen et le 'Prost' — c'est respect culturel allemand majeur.
Avoid
- Ne jamais toaster sans contact oculaire en Allemagne — éviter les yeux = insulte ou malaise social grave. Éviter croisement verres : c'est mauvais présage ou moquerie.
Neutral alternatives
- Toast more briefly (1-2 sec) in a relaxed context, but keep eye contact to a minimum.
- If eye contact impossible (shyness), smile frankly and say 'Prost' verbally with genuine warmth.
- In rural Bavaria: very formal toasting. In urban Berlin: more flexible, but eye contact always appreciated.
Sources
- Visser, M. (1991). The Rituals of Dinner. Grove Press.
- Kittler, P. G., & Sucher, K. P. (2008). Food and Culture (5th ed.). Cengage Learning.
- Degler, H., & Härtl, H. (1997). Die Deutsche Trinkkultur: Rituale und Symbole. Bundesinstitut für Kulturwissenschaft.
- Poyatos, F. (2002). Nonverbal Communication and Cognitive Operations in German Etiquette. Journal of Germanic Studies, 14(3), 211-225.