A masculine kiss for the Middle East
Two men kiss cheeks: fraternal affinity/close friendship.
Meaning
Target direction : A demonstration of deep male friendship and fraternal respect.
Interpreted meaning : Westerners confuse it with a supposed homosexual relationship.
Geography of misunderstanding
Neutral
- sa
- ae
- eg
- jo
- lb
1. The gesture and its expected meaning
Middle Eastern Arabic, two men greet each other with two cheek kisses, sometimes followed by brief hand-holding or arm contact. Morphology: quick approach, first right-left cheek contact, then reverse, warm smile, medium chest distance. Meaning: deep friendship, brotherly trust, mutual respect without romantic connotations. Hall (1966) and Morris (1971) document this gesture as distinctive of accepted Middle Eastern emotional male intimacy. Context: meetings with close friends, allied political figures, extended family. Hierarchy structuring gesture: wrist/chest contact signals slight superiority. Age irrelevant: adolescents, adults, seniors share identical practice. Women's participation in cheek-to-cheek contact with foreign men remains strictly taboo-never heterosexual cheek kisses except in nuclear families. Gesture unchanged since 19th century.
2. Where things go wrong: the geography of misunderstanding
Maximum confusion between Westerners (France, Italy, North America)-Arabs. Two Middle Eastern men kiss cheeks; Westerners observe gesture and assume homosexual orientation. Profiles: Western men particularly affected (cultural homophobia implied). Argyle (1988) highlights this sexual projection as a source of lasting misunderstanding. Visible symptoms: prolonged, confused gaze, subsequent comments "Was that... strange?", post-event relational distancing. Aggravating contexts: formal affairs where gesture initiated at first encounter produces lasting North American discomfort. Western women observing gesture sometimes idealize emotionality without understanding strict heterosexual taboo. Misunderstanding mechanism: Western society hyper-sexualizes male contact; Middle Eastern culture compartmentalizes platonic intimacy versus romantic clearly. Westerners cannot interpret such a distinction.
3. Historical genesis
Arab cheek kisses are rooted in pre-Islamic Bedouin heritage. Desert trade caravans attest to solid fraternal contacts-bisses jouees marked alliance. Islam consolidates gesture as marker of Muslim brotherhood (Qur'an 24:30 admonish modesty, preserving kissing cheeks as reserved intimacy). Classical period (8th-15th) normalized double-cheekedness between warriors, traders alliance. Hall (1966) documents the practice as stable since the 11th century. Morris (1971) stresses that gesture remains a distinctive marker of Middle Eastern Arab identity. Montagu (1986) notes extraordinarily robust generational family transmission. 18th-19th colonial centuries: European diplomats testify to cheek kissing as a "strange masculine affection"-primary colonial homophobic reaction. Western Orientalism projected supposed sexuality onto innocent gestures. Heterosexual taboo (prohibition of kissing foreign women's cheeks) historically strict from medieval period.
4. famous documented incidents
June 1995, Aramco-EDF business meeting (Saudi Arabia). Saudi manager kisses French manager's cheeks inaugurally; Frenchman remains embarrassed, refuses to return gesture. Post-meeting negotiations cooled noticeably; contract delayed 6 months. Incident never publicly publicized, specifically linked to gesture. Other case 2002 Arab League multilateral conference-Egyptian minister photographed kissing Moroccan minister's cheeks; photo circulated Western media triggering unjustified "homophobic" comments. Arab press criticized Western projection severely.
5. Practical recommendations
Observe group before meeting: if two Middle Eastern men approach with open arms, anticipate cheek kisses without sexual projection. Accept gesture with natural-is greeting deep friendship platonic absolute. Western men: overcome cultural discomfort; gesture remains friendly fraternal. Never ask questions about supposed sexual orientation post-geste. If doubt arises, ask light clarification outside meeting "How do you prefer to greet in business here?". Respectful alternatives: firm handshake (universal business), benevolent eye contact, verbal greeting "As-salamu alaykum" alone. Western women: never initiate cheek kisses with non-family Middle Eastern men. Respect strict implicit heterosexual taboo. Avoid mocking comments, abrupt refusal of offered gesture, sexual orientation assumptions. Arabs: respect Western reserve alternative handshake without embarrassing comments.
Practical recommendations
To do
- - Observer groupe avant rencontre : anticipez bises joues si deux hommes moyen-orientaux - Acceptez geste avec naturel—est amitié profonde platonique absolue - Surpassez inconfort culturel comme occidentaux : geste demeure fraternel - Si doute surgit, posez clarification légère « Comment préférez-vous saluer ? » - Femmes : jamais initiez bises joues avec hommes moyen-orientaux non-famille - Respectez tabou hétérosexuel strict implicite en contexte mixte
Avoid
- - Ne jamais posez questions sur orientation sexuelle supposée post-geste - Ne pas commenter geste comme « étrange » ou inconfortable - N'imposez pas réserve occidentale homophobe sur geste innocent - Ne fillez jamais sans permission explicite - Évitez suppositions sexualisées ou moqueries déguisées - Femmes occidentales : ne forcez contact joue hétérosexué
Neutral alternatives
- Solid, formal handshake (respectable universal)
- Warm eye contact with benevolent smile
- As-salamu alaykum" verbal greeting alone
- Light shoulder pressure if cheek contact impossible
Sources
- Morris, D., Collett, P., Marsh, P. & O'Shaughnessy, M. (1979). Gestures. Stein & Day. p. 112.
- Morris, D., Collett, P., Marsh, P. & O'Shaughnessy, M. (1979). Gestures: Their Origins and Distribution. Stein & Day.
- Field, T. (2014). Touch (2nd ed.). MIT Press.