Three Belgian-Dutch kisses
The third Belgian kiss confuses the Parisians, who are used to two.
Meaning
Target direction : Trois bises: the standard friendly greeting in French-speaking Belgium and the Netherlands.
Interpreted meaning : For northern Frenchmen used to two kisses, the third one creates surprise and good-natured laughter.
Geography of misunderstanding
Neutral
- be
- nl
- lu
- fr
1. The gesture and its expected meaning
In French-speaking Belgium, the Netherlands and Luxembourg, three kisses are the standard tactile greeting between friends, colleagues and acquaintances. The gesture begins with a first kiss to the right (cheek against cheek), then to the left, and finally back to the right. Each touch is a symbol of benevolent affection without excessive intimacy. Hall (1966) documents this pattern as an integral part of Western European intimacy. Unlike the formal handshake, the three kisses mark an established relational closeness, frequent in social gatherings, extended families or relaxed professional environments. The intensity varies according to intimacy: light cheek touches for acquaintances, warmer contacts for close friends. This practice remains invariant regardless of age or hierarchy in Belgian-Dutch contexts.
2. Where things go wrong: the geography of misunderstanding
Misunderstandings mainly arise when French-speaking Belgians/Dutch meet Parisians or French from the north, who are used to two kisses. On first social contact, the Frenchman generally initiates the two-kiss procedure, while the Belgian naturally continues with a third. The Frenchman, awaiting separation after two, suddenly finds himself approached again - a moment of comic flutter. Argyle (1988) points out that these procedural shifts create slight but observable confusion. Profiles affected include expatriates, professional travelers, trans-regional families. Visible symptoms: good-natured laughter, awkward gesture, too-fast corrective attempt. The dynamic is never offensive, but creates a momentary break in gestural fluidity, particularly in formal contexts (business meetings, ceremonies).
3. Historical background
The three Belgian-Dutch kisses are rooted in the medieval evolution of Flemish and Dutch greetings. Hall (1966) and Morris (1979) document that the two-or-three-kiss practice varied according to urban development and Flemish trade routes. In the 16th-17th centuries, trade between Antwerp, Amsterdam and Bruges consolidated tactile norms distinct from Parisian France. Protestant (Netherlands) versus Catholic (Belgium) religious influences have historically maintained local particularities in greetings. The three-kiss practice has remained surprisingly stable since the 17th century in French-speaking Flanders and Wallonia. Montagu (1986) notes that gestures of greeting reflect prolonged community cohesion, explaining the persistence of this specific norm despite geographical proximity to France with deux-bises. Post-WWII migration routes have reinforced Belgian-Dutch identity distinctions vis-à-vis Paris.
4. famous documented incidents
No documented diplomatic or media incidents specifically on three-bise misunderstanding. Confusion remains anecdotal, contained within a light social framework. The only mentions are in Belgian humoristic literature (Quoicoubeh, travelogues) with no formalized tier-1 press source.
5. Practical recommendations
Observe before acting: note if a group initiates two or three contacts. Adopt the local norm by following the other person-don't force your protocol. If doubt arises mid-greeting, politely complete the gesture without comment. Respectful alternatives: simple handshake (very formal context), simple eye contact and smile if tactile contact uncomfortable, verbal "Hello" greeting alone. Ask for light clarification before formal meeting if necessary ("How do you prefer to greet each other?"). Avoid laughing at or mocking local practice, never impose Western Parisian norms, don't ask intrusive "why three?" questions during formal meetings.
Practical recommendations
To do
- - Observer le groupe avant d'agir : notez deux ou trois contacts initiés - Adapter poliment au protocole local en suivant l'autre personne - Compléter le geste en cours sans gêne si malentendu survient - Montrer respect par acceptation silencieuse plutôt que commentaire - Poser clarification légère avant rencontre formelle si contexte permet
Avoid
- - Ne pas rire ou moquer la pratique locale des trois bises - Ne pas imposer la norme française parisienne à deux bises - Ne pas poser questions intrusives ou critiques sur la pratique - Ne jamais filmer ou photographier sans permission explicite - Ne pas interrompre le geste à mi-parcours
Neutral alternatives
- Simple, formal handshake (very formal contexts)
- Good eye contact with a smile, without touching
- Hello" verbal greeting alone with respectful distance
- Respectful nod of the head if tactile contact uncomfortable
Sources
- Hall, E.T. (1966). The Hidden Dimension. Doubleday. pp. 140-158.
- Morris, D., Collett, P., Marsh, P. & O'Shaughnessy, M. (1979). Gestures: Their Origins and Distribution. Stein & Day.
- Field, T. (2014). Touch (2nd ed.). MIT Press.