01The practice and its intended meaning
In South Korea, asking your interlocutor's age early in the relationship - including a professional one - is neither an indiscretion nor a judgement: it is a linguistic and social necessity. Korean forces you to choose a register: jondaetmal (존댓말), honorific language, or banmal (반말), the familiar register - and relative age is the first parameter of that choice. Ho-Min Sohn (The Korean Language, Cambridge University Press, 1999) describes six speech levels - deferential, polite, blunt (falling into disuse), familiar, intimate and neutral - whose use is governed by status and age. Without knowing the other person's age, a Korean speaker literally does not know how to conjugate his sentence. Discovering that you were born in the same year (dong-gap, 동갑) opens the possibility of a relationship between equals and, by mutual agreement, of a shift to banmal. The form suited to adults, moreover, is not the direct "myeot sal-ieyo?" - grammatically polite, but customary towards children or peers - but rather "naiga eotteoke doeseyo?" ("how old are you?", with the honorific -seyo), or even yeonse (연세), the honorific noun for age, towards an elder.
02Where it goes wrong: geography of the misunderstanding
The typical clash: a Western executive in Seoul is asked her age at the very first business appointment. She reads an intrusion into it, even a discriminatory signal - in the United States, the ADEA (1967) protects employees aged 40 and over and, while asking about age in an interview is not illegal in itself, the EEOC warns that it may "indicate a possible intent to discriminate"; in France, age is a prohibited ground of discrimination (art. L. 1132-1 of the Labour Code) and the information requested from a candidate must have a direct and necessary link with the job (art. L. 1221-6). On the Korean side, refusing to answer is disconcerting: the register cannot be chosen, the relationship remains suspended, and the reluctance comes across as distance.
Three nuances: the internationalised business circles of Seoul are aware of Western sensitivity and ask the question later or differently (year of birth, university class); younger generations and "horizontal" companies (English first names at Kakao, the suffix nim at CJ since 2000 and at Samsung since 2017) relativise the grip of age; finally, the foreigner is not bound by the Korean grid - people ask his age in order to situate him, rarely in order to rank him.
03Historical origins
Order by age is one of the Five Confucian Bonds: jangyuyuseo (장유유서, 長幼有序), "between elder and younger, there is an order". Age there serves as a proxy for experience and authority, and the system of honorifics (gyeongeobeop, 경어법) has grammaticalised it. In the corporate world, this logic fed yeongongseoyeol (연공서열), promotion and pay by seniority: Korean salaries rise on average by 2.05% per year of seniority, about three times the OECD average (0.71%) - a system debated since the 1997 crisis and regularly targeted by OECD recommendations. Until 2023, Korea also had three parallel ages: the "Korean age" (one year old at birth, one more year at each New Year), the "year age" and the international age - hence the ritual question about the year of birth.
Against a shortcut: Korea's Hofstede power distance score (60) is mid-range. Order by age is a specific sociolinguistic institution, not the mere reflection of a "hierarchical country".
04Documented incidents
Korea grows younger overnight (28 June 2023). The law passed on 8 December 2022 unified the three counting systems on the international age: from one day to the next, every Korean "lost" one to two years. More than 80% of the population supported the reform (survey by the Ministry of Legislation). The scale of the move - legislating on the age of an entire nation - shows the social importance of the question, and the will to loosen its grip.
Hiddink bans jondaetmal (2002 World Cup). The Dutch head coach Guus Hiddink imposed banmal among the Korean internationals, whatever their age - the young Lee Chun-soo leading the way - in order to make communication on the pitch flow more freely; the Korean press sees in it one of the factors behind the historic semi-final. A textbook case: to change behaviour, the grammar had to be changed.
05Practical recommendations
Do: answer the age question simply in Korea, or give your year of birth; understand that it settles the speech register, not your worth; if it bothers you, say so with a smile and suggest that each party keep the polite register; conversely, explain to a Western interlocutor why you are asking it.
Do not: do not read the question as discrimination; do not react curtly or evade it without explanation; do not transpose the question as such into a Western job interview; do not conclude from an older interlocutor's formality that he is distant - register is not affect.
Geography of misunderstanding
Offensive
- south-korea
Neutral
- usa
- canada
- france
Historical origins
Korean honorific system (경어법 gyeongeo-beop) rooted in Confucianism (유교). Age determines jondaetmal (존댓말) vs banmal (반말). Formalized by De Mente (2008) and Sohn (1999) as linguistic infra structure. 7 levels of honorifics triggered by age/status.
Documented incidents
- 2023 — Le 28 juin 2023, la loi votée le 8 décembre 2022 unifie les trois systèmes de calcul de l'âge sur l'âge international : chaque Coréen « rajeunit » d'un à deux ans du jour au lendemain. Plus de 80 % de soutien dans les sondages du ministère de la Législation. (Library of Congress, In Custodia Legis (janvier 2023), « Koreans Becoming Younger — Unification of Age-Counting Systems » ; Seoul Metropolitan Government (2023) ; presse internationale du 28 juin 2023)
- 2002 — Pendant la campagne du Mondial 2002, le sélectionneur Guus Hiddink impose le banmal entre coéquipiers quel que soit l'âge, pour fluidifier la communication sur le terrain — le jeune Lee Chun-soo en fer de lance. La presse coréenne y voit un des facteurs de la demi-finale historique. (The Korea Herald (2024), « Lee Kang-in's 'mutiny' frowned upon in country with strict pecking order »)
Practical recommendations
To do
- Répondez simplement à la question d'âge en Corée, ou donnez votre année de naissance.
- Comprenez que la question règle le registre de langue (jondaetmal/banmal), pas votre valeur.
- Si la question vous gêne, dites-le avec le sourire et proposez que chacun garde le registre poli.
- Si c'est vous qui la posez à un Occidental, expliquez pourquoi (choisir le langage respectueux).
Avoid
- Ne lisez pas la question d'âge comme une discrimination : le contexte coréen est linguistique.
- Ne réagissez pas sèchement et n'éludez pas sans explication : le refus nu passe pour de la distance.
- Ne transposez pas la question telle quelle dans un entretien d'embauche occidental.
- Ne concluez pas de la formalité d'un aîné qu'il est distant — le registre n'est pas l'affect.
Neutral alternatives
- Donner son année de naissance plutôt qu'un chiffre — c'est souvent la vraie question posée.
- Demander (ou donner) la promotion universitaire ou l'année d'entrée dans l'entreprise, proxys usuels.
- En équipe mixte, convenir d'un registre poli symétrique pour neutraliser la variable d'âge.